i few months ago i was freakin out about this, but the day i turned 25 i was ok. Mainly cos it felt like any other day. I baked myself two sets of cakes and i got a third one from my floormates. i was happy to receive a bag that i really wanted as a present from Emmy n Kiran.

it was a very warm n lovely. I cudnt celebrate it wif a lot of cheer, cos i was thinking abt sum1 else n was a worried for him. I think about him constantly n i wish was there wif him rite now,  i m sure may of us who know who i m talking about feels the same way i do. I pray for ur strength my fren.

i got not much to say rite now. see u guys soon.

this is me, 25 years old, dun i look dashing?

I was 15. I played a lot the previous 2 years. I just changed to be so different. I didnt like homeworks, i just wanted to hv fun. I liked 911, i collected all their poster, i listened and sang to their songs. I knew every song, everyword, every melody. I became lazy n very mischievious. i didnt hv any dreams, any ambition, school became a wonderful place to escape. But wen i was fifteen it all just changed.

I travelled to kl 3 times every week by public bus to go to tuition. The tuition centre was very famous and the teachers made learning very entertaining. My grades went up, n i was more serius wif my work. Travelling on my own in the bus was a very useful experience for me. I was able to be independant for those brief moments, but the experience was not all the way nice, it had its ups n downs. Travelling to the tuition centre from my school was sumwat  an adventourous moment, i went wif my frenz n sumtimes they wud say “aiyah ponteng one day la, cum lets go central market, just go around n lepak!” .Was tempted to but the vision of my mom finding out about tis scared me away every time.

That year i was a good kid, but onie for that year. My dad told me “this is it, this is the year that u decide wether its science or arts” sounded huge that time. hehehe, so thr wif that fearsome quote in my head i studied n for that year n the two previous years whr i had lost so much on.

The exam days were ok, but the day before the results came out. i was freaking out. I still remember that night, my dad came home from work, n i stuttered n told him “t..t.ttomoro rrresults cuming Out.” n u know wat my dad said ” so? u r probably gonna get 2 or 3 A’s onie” HUA!!!! i was so embarassed, i was like “HUA!!!U DUN BELIEVE IN ME!!”. the next morning, those words were running in my head, n wen i saw my results, the next thing on my head was “whr is the phone, whr is the phone, whr is the DAMN phone?!!!” i needed to call my dad n tell him “i ACED it all, HA!!!”

But my mom said, ur dad is in the school. i ran to find him, but just before i reahced him, i cooled down went near him , n handed him the paper, waiting to say sumthing wen he looks up at me. My head was streaming for bombastically sarcastic words while muttering “look up pa, look up…i wanna say sumthing”. Finally, he looked up wif tears in his eye, hugged me wifout taking off his helmet. My head banged his helmet, n all the words which i had prepared went missing. N i felt so stupid for thinking of being sarcastic to my own father. he was so proud of me, he alwiz was, he just needed to make me strong n he did.   

The tuition centre whr i studied does this annual prize giving ceremony for their students, n my dad followed me for that occasion. He was so happy, then he came for the one in my school too. That was one year whr i had made him believe in me. Believe that i cud make it thru.

Many of u wud hv realized by now, that i constantly talk of my dad. I admire my dad, to me he is a hero, i want to be him in every way i can. The way my dad brought me up is very different, he told me once that “u r not just my daughter, u r my son too” n from the way he taught me, i know i was.

Well, next year(OMG, finally i can say next year) wen i grad, it will b the ultimatum of my dads achievements. i hope that i will grad wifout any problems.

happened wen i was 10. We moved to a bigger home, wen to a better school and became an official nerd. The shifting was fun, got a nice room for myself and my own bafrum. Was so happy, oh n i was enrolled to piano class, in which i onie lasted 6 years, hahaha, it wasnt fun anymore.

The best experience was in my new school. It was near my moms office so she drove me to school everyday. That time we had a Datsun, i miss that car. I remember seeing other kids in newer cars n feeling glad that i came to school way earlier than them so that they dun see my old car n laugh at me(which they did by the way).  That was also the year i met Jeevan Thavanathan, Ramakrishna Tharini, Shereen Vincent, Grace leong, Jeyanthi, Logeswari, many others n not forgetting meeting Yamunaa Sethunarayanan. Those were the years whr i was beginning to grow up mentally n socially. I was jeevanz n ramaz tuition mate as weel. We studied in Mrs.Jeya’s house. That felt like our second home. We had lunch there, we played there n we fought there too. Guess wat we fought for? Who would finish the two sets of maths book first! HA! like i said, an official nerd.

Those few years in that new primary school, i jadi otak kuning oso thanks to Rama n Jeevan. MY fondest memories of jeevan n rama was wen jeevan use to brgin his boxing gloves in his purple “fido-dido” bag(if i m not mistaken), n make rama beg him for the gloves.

Grace Leong came from Assunta primary school n i was from a kampung school. We wr in the same class in std 5, n we competed to be the best, n we wr the onie ones from the 2nd class to go to the 1st class wen we wr in std 6. One of my greatest achievement drg that time was wen i sat for maths end sem exam(objective paper) n a few hours after finishing it, my maths teacher came in n said “u shud all congratulate Maalini, she is the onie one to get all the right answers!”. Man, was  i proud that day, i went home n told n bragged about it to my mum n dad, hahaha, those wr the days la.

By this time, my sister was oredi 3 years old. That ball of cuteness was a real pain that time. She wud mimic everything i did, n well i didnt like sharing my dad wif her, but hey wat can i do rite, she is my sister! 

That was all about being ten, i was happy but not that happy. I cudnt ride a bike anymore, i was sort of isolated whr i was. My parents didnt let me go free like how they use to when we wr in the pekan, but i guess it was all for the best. look at whr i ended up, russia, whr we hv nothing much to do as well.

i was 5 years old. i was the happiest kid in kindergarten, i was the weirdest. wen every other kid was crying so that his/her mummy wont go, i pushed my parents out of the gate. i think i told them, “go, go ,go. i m fine, u go home!”  Hahaha,  that is so me! anyways, my parents stayed back the whole day near the kindergarten until it was time to go back. I went to the kenkid kindergarten. everyday so happy to go to class. The routine was: wake up, granma dress n feed me then i go to school wif “car aunty” n her 2 sons who r studying in the same school.

The 5 year old me.

i m still frenz wif sum of my kindergarten frenz, Catherine  n Amelia Isa. Rebecca(ppl called her becky) was also my schoolmate in secondary school n i remember showing her the pic once of us in the kindergarten. As far as i remember, the last day of school, Catherines mum made jelly for all of us to eat, i think, cos i remember eating jelly. Ouh, n i was number 10 in the whole kindergarten, n i spoke Mandarin n cantonese very well.

Amelia Isa, i look worse than u in this pic.

At the back of this pic i wrote, “My best friend, Amelia Isa”- dang i was so cute.

Hahaha, sumtimes my lunch use to be boiled or scrambled egg wif plain rice…loved it soooo much.

When i was 5 i lived in a pekan. so it was mostly greenery, n my house was mostly made out of papan. When the electricity goes off and it rains, it feels wonderful, n i use to sleep those nights listening to bullfrogs going “Krek, Krok”. In the evenings i use to ride bike wif my cuzinz all over the pekan, or we played badminton in my auntz lawn till it was dusk.

It seems like a long time ago but those were carefree beautiful days. I was happy n yeah the best part i was the onie child that time. Daddy onie little princess, to whom he read stories every night for her to go to sleep. My dad use to sit on the bed, n i wud lie on his legs, n as he read i use to watch his lips move upside down, hehehe, n sumhow fall asleep. N every morning he wud kiss me before he goes to work, n in the evening drink tea wif him n mum while i sat on top of the table watching He-Man,Doraemon or Thundercats.

Appa's little girl

 

i know i was the kecomelan-yang-tak-terhingga last time(kan, kan, kan?). I miss those days of going to port dickson, the whole lot of us, aunts cuzins, uncles…n we wud rent a house to stay. It was all very sweet memories. I miss it all, n i wud never change a second of it even if i cud.

listening to jai ho rite now, n i just remembered that i actually hv a blog! ok thats lame, i dun really remember when i typed a post the last time, but i can feel that it was a long time ago. It’s oredi 2010 eh, i dun hv a new year resolution, every year oso dun hv, cos wats the point of writing down things that u know u will never bother to do. I rather live today, n go to sleep tonite n know that i hv let everyone i love n close to my heart know that i love them, n that i hv done my best today to be a better person than i was yesterday.

Weneva i listen to Jai ho, i think of A.R.Rahman, this man i know(not personally of cos), even before he was world

A.R.Rahman

 famous. His music has alwiz moved me. I love listening to the way he composes his music, he dares to try sumthing different, he pushes his limit, he makes indians listen to sumthing new, he makes us like it too. His voice is not bad either, most of the songs he has sung is one of my favorite. Songs like “New York nagaram” n “Aaruyire” r all very beautiful songs, n they wr very freshto listen to for the indian population.

S.P.Balasubramaniam

Talking about indian music industry, there is one man whom i wish to see face to face in my life, n onie this one man, no one else do i want to meet as much as i want to meet him. S.P.Balasubramaniam, i grew up listening to his songs. This one man has sung so many songs n in the 80’s he was a big hit. His voice is beautiful, n u can feel the exact emotion that the music director want to potray thru his songs, in S.P.B’s voice.

In the acting section, most guys wud say Rajinikanth, but since i m a girl n i dun care about stylo mylo, i like kamal

Kamal Hassan

hassan. Kamal Hassan is sumone who pushes himself to the utmost limit to make a perfect movie. This man does movies for the love of movies, very rarely actors do it for the love of acting. He is proof that if u r passionate about sumthing u will excel in it.

Surya

Kamal Hassan is as old as my dad, so i cant like him that much u see, so of cos i wud like sumone younger. i like Surya. Wen i first started liking him, i was like “this guy is all looks, he is not gonna make it to the top” but hey look at him now. he is one of the best actors of my time. n i am glad i liked him , n even though i didnt believe it myself, i use to tell my cuzins “u just wait, surya is gonna be big one day” n he is!

Well y am i talking about these men. These men weneva i hear them or see them, in my head i remember that these men love what they do. Thats y they excel, if i want to be at least half as successful as them in my field, i gotta love wat i m gonna do. i gotta be passionate about medicine, i gotta want to be whr i am now. N the best out of it is that they r all indians(i am not being racist) n i m an indian n i can make it.

like my father alwiz said “success cums to those who really want it but onie if they work for it”

It seems really easy to find wat we dun hv more than wat we do hv. For instance, i hv a ton of shoes in my room but still i constantly think of getting myself a knee high or just below knee boots. For my eyes i cud onie see these shoes whrever i go. *sigh* Same goes for ppl, i constantly think, if onie this person cud be like this or that, i wud be happier.

Y r ppl like that? is it cos we want perfection? Or is it that we r biologically made to b like that, like u know thats how we r? i mean, we wanted the best meat in the jungle wen wr running around wif jus loin cloths on us, Get my point? Well i hope so. haih, i wonder wen will we stop looking, or rather wen will i stop lookin at just wats wrong, or wats missing than wats rite n wats there.

*yawn* toodles.good nite

Here i am in my room with an hour to go for my class, reading sum stuff while my facebook was on. N when i looked up i saw pics of one of my schoolmates getting engaged. And it hits me like WHAM!!! “WTH(this is puttin it litely) am i doing wif  my life?”  In the beginning it was all about being overseas n gettin to do wat i hv alwiz wanted, then my eurotrips gave me sum amount of happiness, that i m doing sumthing not everyone can.

Here i m in my room, studying, still single, in Russia, with another year and  half to grad, then another year to do housemanship like a dog n then need to study again to specialise. OMG!!! There goes a decade of my life just like that, the precious decade of my life whr my organs r still functioning well n my stamina is at its peak! N wat am i doing wif it? Studying? how can i do wateva is it that i wanted to do in my 30’s ? if i enjoy at that time, when am i gonna hv kids? what the hell is happening? my life is freakin’ boring, so boring!!!

i wanna ride bike to work, i wanna drive a car in a race track, i wanna be able to party, i wanna dress to kill, i wanna fall madly in love, i wanna date in an expensive restaurant just for fun, i wanna kiss in the rain, i wanna go to on top of a hill n scream my lungs out, i wanna ride my bike all around town, i wanna travel wif my bike, i wanna go crazy, I WAN TO DO A HECK OF A LOT OF THINGS, BUT DAMMIT I M STUCK IN FREAKIN’ RUSSIA!!!!!

*sigh* I think i just hit my midlife crisis point, hey call me dramatic, but i feel like shit rite now! i m really happy for my fren. i wont say i will do anything to be in her shoes but there is sum part of me that wonders wat wud hv happened if i had just stayed back in Msia n did sumthing else.

i know for sure i wouldnt hv seen the world the way i see it now. I wudnt hv seen eiffel, which is still very close to my heart. Everytime i think that my life sucks, i remember that moment when i looked at the Eiffel tower at nite n say to myself “that was a priceless moment that i wud hv never had if i was in Msia”

Oh i need to get a grip, so wat if i am turning a quarter a century, hey its the silver jubilee of my life, it aint cumin back twice!!! HAHAHA, SILVER JUBILEE!!! CAN U FREAKIN’ BELIEVE IT, A QUARTER A CENTURY?!

OK, i am diagnosing myself wif anxiety attack, sumbody cum n slap my face! *PIAK!!!*just slapped myself, i m all better now! bye later then, wif the next episode of anxiety attack.

well, well, *fooo*, blogs really dusty. hv not been here in quite a while.

So since 2009 is cumin to an end, there is a few things i wud like to say.

1. what hv i learnt?

-no more dieting, cos it aint working for more

-i hv to accept who i amn especially how i am

-its ok to be angry, it aint the worst crime on earth

-save up money where u can

-i cant hv everything at once

-i hv to let go wen its time

2. whats my happiest moments?

-seeing amma, appa , the BIG baby at home in summer

-to hear my little Sangeetha call me Chitti n hug me(one time[d last week sumore] in 2.5 months i was back home)

-wen i bought a handbag n presented it to myself on my birthday in Belgium(so sad rite)

-wen i entered little chocolate heaven in Belgium, i didnt even wan to leave

-wen Yeowie sold me his Tefal pot for 500rub, i was so happy, i alwiz wanted a tefal pot.

3. Whats the saddest moments?

-to hear that both my uncles dogs died. They use to welcome me really well wen i gt home every year.

-wen i realised that “in my early 20’s” is about to end

-wen it hit me that i m going to be quarter a century years old in 2010

4. What do i hv to say?

In 2009, onie one thing bugged me the most. I shall describe it now(itz not gonna be that long!). see, wen i was growin up, my mum knew that the onie to make me do the work, is if she yells, n boy, she YELLED. My dad on the other hand, had a different approach, his way was more, lets say, can stab u thru ur heart, but he made his point well. As i came to Russia, away from all the yelling, i tried myself not to yell. In fact i like to show a happy face 24/7 if i can, but it seems that i hv a very serious face, i cant help it. Anyways, when i came here, sumthing irked me off more than yelling, ppl brushing or telling ppl off. Thr r a few ppl who do it very well. N they best part of it is that they r in denial of it. I wont say that i m perfect, i m not. i hv hurt ppl in my own way, but i learn from m mistakes, thats y i tell ppl “tell me, if i made u angry, i will say sorry n change”

My patience level is quite high, actually very high, i can tahan pplz attitude for years n put a smile on my face, but dang, if u push me too far, u dunno wat u r gonna make me do. Dun worry, the worst i will do is keep quiet, remember, i dun like yelling, hahaha. Anyways, i really do hope that sum ppl will change. not for me, for their own good. 

And for 2010, i dun hv resolutions, cos i dun believe in them. i just hope it will be a better year than 2009. its not that 2009 was bad, it was good, but i think life can do better.

chiaoz.

I m very much a morning person. I sumtimes dun understand y ppl can be hving very bad mood every morning, just cos its morning. Its seems really silly. I sumtimes hv bad mornings too, just like today, i was not feeling too well to get up at 5.30 in the morning, n so i msged every1 in the block n told them “x well, wud like d bafrum at 7. thanks, sori.” Sumhow i think the servers in Megafon didnt work cos i didnt bath in my bafrum at all today cos it was filled till 8, i had to bath in sum1 else’s bafrum. Its realli my fault, it dun matter whether u r sick or not, u shud keep at ur time, cos ur disability is none of anyone else’s bzness. Thats wat i learnt today. Everyday is a learning day.

I dun deny being pissed, i was, but i know its my fault. Sumtimes, just sumtimes, u wish u had been cut sum slack. But i guess thats too much to wish for. My Appa alwiz says, “what u r going thru now, is nothing big. Its just part of a learning process, to become a better person”. I know he is rite.

On a lighter note, tomoro is the BIG DIWALI occasion, for which i was “forced” to join in. I didnt want to join in this year too, but circumstances changed n i hv to help my really wonderful frens out , cos sumhow they became responsible. Its a funny story, but too bad it actually happened, so no point crying over spilt milk ei!

thats all for now, muakx to the very few ppl who actually bother to read my blog, now am i inviting u or dis-inviting u, i m confused my self.

Be it indian, cantonese, malay, hindi, english, be it wateva language, drama series are addictive! for me n for u, yeah u, dun actla k! the romance, the thrill, the humor, oh wat fun!!! I like series too, even anime(ONE PIECE!!!). Currently i love House, CSI, One piece n thats about it for now.  I love House in House, i love every1 in CSI n I love Luffy in One piece. The growing up to each other process, the complications, the hypocrasy, u name it,i love it!!!

But wat i m sure almost all of us realise is that, our life is part of a series too. The baby season, the kindergarden season, the reaching adolescence season, the “nobody-understands-me” season & etc. Honestly, if i made a series of myself, sure tak laris wan, takde drama langsung, gosh i was boring.

Well, in every season of the series there would be one big crisis. That would the most sought after part of the whole season. How the crises is solved and wat we learnt from it is very important, n thats wat keeps us addicted to the series. y am i talking about this, wats the whole point of this blog, I TAK TAU!!! SAJE JE, RASE MACAM NAK BLOG, I BLOG LA, MASE AKU YG DIBAZIR KAN!!! HEHEHE!!!

actually, i nak cakap yg everything pun ade endingnyer. baik buruk, baik jahat, kite kene teruskan hidup. U gotta live ur life, so move on. Kalo nak dread in the past, sape sakit hati, kiteeeee jugak, kalo mengamuk giler giler, sape sakit mulut, kiteeee jugak. So, tak yah la nak emo sangat dalam hidup ni. Emo tu bagus, tapi ape2 pun kalo terlebih memang tak bagus kan. “Looks who is talking, the DRAMA QUEEN!!!”  u say eh? Hey like i said hidup ni macam series kan, kalo takde drama tak jalan la oi!

this is not related at all wif wat i m going to say, but i just wanna say that in my life i hv realised that confrontation works much better than back stabbing.

ouh by the way, i hv diagnosed myself wif “obsessive-compulsive disorder” over my bed. now that i hv warned u, dun terkejut biler i jump at u nanti.

Thats all, i know i was boring n half way thru u went like “whr is she going wif this?” i was bored n i had nothing to do la, sorry k! muaks, SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAyang u all!!!

a few quotes that i liked during this month;

“u’re unhappy wif the riches, cos ur piss poor morally”- Live ur life song

“i will stop being a bitch, wen men like u stop behaving like dogs”- Kareena Kapoor, Kambakht Ishq

“step by step, drink tea n coffee n decide, its easy”-Prof.Parshikov, peads surgery

“n the 7th thing i hate the most that u do, u make me love u”- Miley cyrus, 7 things

Toodles.