Expectations and Loving thyself

In Russia, we had a day called Women’s day. That’s the day women are treated in a very
special way. Women are given flowers and chocolates, the lucky ones brought for a beautiful dinner outside. I was somewhat unlucky, I don’t remember receiving any flowers. So , one year i got really tired of waiting for flowers and I bought one bouquet for myself and I gave it to a guy friend to hand it back to me. Sounds sad right?
Even on my graduation, i bought a bouquet for myself and my sister bought me two(one on behalf of my parents).If my sister wasn’t in the same uni as I was, I would have had just the one. There is something that struck me that day, don’t expect nothing from nobody, and that’s how I have been since.

As a kid I use to expect much on my birthday like you know, the surprises, the day everyone sees you as a special person, the day your people celebrate you. I didn’t have many of those, I am not sure if it’s because I am very reclusive and I look like I have everything. For me though, the most important thing on a birthday is wishing you. To me, those who really care enough about you will wish you without being prompted(i.e facebook reminder). I sound very spiteful, but its MY honest OPINION.
When I turned 30 though, I gave myself the best gift, my favourite car(albeit it came with a 5 year loan). I realised something that day,that I CAN make myself happy.
There is a famous quote out there “think of someone you love dearly, with all your heart. You know you would do anything to make that person happy, can you imagine that? Now imagine that, that person is YOU” .That quote was life altering. Hence from that day forward, I became all about me.

The catch is how far will you go for yourself without hurting others? The others are anyone remotely in contact with you, your parents, friends, colleagues in my case, even my patients.You have to know where you go from self-care to self-ish. Learning that could take years, and in the process you could hurt many, lose many relationships and forge new ones. Ultimately you are learning about you, who you are and what you want and need. I don’t celebrate my birthdays the conventional way anymore,instead I try to travel. Locally, or on a medical standby or for the love of it, just book a holiday. I do cut cakes at home, usually on a later day to satisfy my family’s wishes, but there is no fun in it anymore.I am simply reminded of how many rounds I have gone around the Sun and that I have not achieved any new milestones this year.

After all this yabbering, I am here to tell you that, you should most importantly love yourself. Learn about yourself, argue with yourself, make yourself stronger for you. It could do no harm. And in the process if you meet someone who likes and loves the entire you like you do, fall in love and embrace it with all your heart. But till then, embrace yourself.

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