the year has not been quite right for me! i m not very happy wif how i had to begin it. first of all delaying my peads was a bad decision but i aced it in the end n hvin onie 2 days in btwn to read my psychi(aced that too!). I was very relieved but internal med is also killing me now. I wanted M’sian nite this year to be memorable for me tis year but unfortunately a sad news from home changed it al. Since then things hv not been in place. My braces hv pushed my teeth to the right n my dentist has given me a second appointment with no hopes of taking it out soon.
Most importantly my mum n i had had a heart to heart talk n several decisions were made. i was happy for a moment, but life today is not very ideal, no body can be trusted.
I dun like myself rite now. i cant speak for myself lately, i know wat is rite for me, i know wat i hv to do. but i cant seem to be able to do it. i know the onie person who has to fight for me is me, but i cant.
I m too patient, i m too soft, n sum ppl close to me take real good advantage of it. I dun put myself first in any r/ship, n this is very obvious to ppl arnd me that htye sumtimes use it to their advantage.
i know this runs thru sum ppls minds “ha, whr is she gonna go? say sorry make her laugh she will b ur fren again!” i dunno y am i so afraid of changes. i need a change, especially when i m given a chance i shud take it. But i cant, i keep saying not yet. What if its too late, what if i regret? y do i worry about the feeling sof the one who hurts me constantly? y do i hv to keep my promises? y do i hv to see the bright side of everything? y do i hv to be the one to pujuk?
y does it alwiz hv to be? n y do i alwiz give up in the end?
to tell myself the truth, i need home,i need my family. home is whr i feel safe n happy, away from sum vultures called frenz!