Babbles of An Earthling











{March 18, 2010}   hating myself again

the year has not been quite right for me! i m not very happy wif how i had to begin it. first of all delaying my peads was a bad decision but i aced it in the end n hvin onie 2 days in btwn to read my psychi(aced that too!). I was  very relieved but internal med is also killing me now. I wanted M’sian nite this year to be memorable for me tis year but unfortunately a sad news from home changed it al. Since then things hv not been in place. My braces hv pushed my teeth to the right n my dentist has given me a second appointment with no hopes of taking it out soon.

Most importantly my mum n i had  had a heart to heart talk n several decisions were made. i was happy for a moment, but life today is not very ideal, no body can be trusted.

I dun like myself rite now. i cant speak for myself lately, i know wat is rite for me, i know wat i hv to do. but i cant seem to be able to do it. i know the onie person who has to fight for me is me, but i cant.

I m too patient, i m too soft, n sum ppl close to me take real good advantage of it. I dun put myself first in any r/ship, n this is very obvious to ppl arnd me that htye sumtimes use it to their advantage.

i know this runs thru sum ppls minds “ha, whr is she gonna go? say sorry make her laugh she will b ur fren again!” i dunno y am i so afraid of changes. i need a change, especially when i m given a chance i shud take it. But i cant, i keep saying not yet. What if its too late, what if i regret? y do i worry about the feeling sof the one who hurts me constantly? y do i hv to keep my promises? y do i hv to see the bright side of everything? y do i hv to be the one to pujuk?

y does it alwiz hv to be? n y do i alwiz give up in the end?

to tell myself the truth, i need home,i need my family. home is whr i feel safe n happy, away from sum vultures called frenz!

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navanita says:

maal,at some point of life,all of us have to go through this.The thought of not making the right decision in life.I’m not advising you,just sharing few things.They say forgive those who have hurt you,is the best policy but I strongly deny that ” how many times are you suppose to forgive them?Cos this will only make them repeat their mistake,for you have the heart of forgiving ppl and accept them as they are..but there’s a limit to everything”.What’s more evident is,you believe and hold on strongly to the thing/decision that you think is right?Okay..someone has new look but not a happy face right now..cheer up!!!



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