Here i am in my room with an hour to go for my class, reading sum stuff while my facebook was on. N when i looked up i saw pics of one of my schoolmates getting engaged. And it hits me like WHAM!!! “WTH(this is puttin it litely) am i doing wif my life?” In the beginning it was all about being overseas n gettin to do wat i hv alwiz wanted, then my eurotrips gave me sum amount of happiness, that i m doing sumthing not everyone can.
Here i m in my room, studying, still single, in Russia, with another year and half to grad, then another year to do housemanship like a dog n then need to study again to specialise. OMG!!! There goes a decade of my life just like that, the precious decade of my life whr my organs r still functioning well n my stamina is at its peak! N wat am i doing wif it? Studying? how can i do wateva is it that i wanted to do in my 30’s ? if i enjoy at that time, when am i gonna hv kids? what the hell is happening? my life is freakin’ boring, so boring!!!
i wanna ride bike to work, i wanna drive a car in a race track, i wanna be able to party, i wanna dress to kill, i wanna fall madly in love, i wanna date in an expensive restaurant just for fun, i wanna kiss in the rain, i wanna go to on top of a hill n scream my lungs out, i wanna ride my bike all around town, i wanna travel wif my bike, i wanna go crazy, I WAN TO DO A HECK OF A LOT OF THINGS, BUT DAMMIT I M STUCK IN FREAKIN’ RUSSIA!!!!!
*sigh* I think i just hit my midlife crisis point, hey call me dramatic, but i feel like shit rite now! i m really happy for my fren. i wont say i will do anything to be in her shoes but there is sum part of me that wonders wat wud hv happened if i had just stayed back in Msia n did sumthing else.
i know for sure i wouldnt hv seen the world the way i see it now. I wudnt hv seen eiffel, which is still very close to my heart. Everytime i think that my life sucks, i remember that moment when i looked at the Eiffel tower at nite n say to myself “that was a priceless moment that i wud hv never had if i was in Msia”
Oh i need to get a grip, so wat if i am turning a quarter a century, hey its the silver jubilee of my life, it aint cumin back twice!!! HAHAHA, SILVER JUBILEE!!! CAN U FREAKIN’ BELIEVE IT, A QUARTER A CENTURY?!
OK, i am diagnosing myself wif anxiety attack, sumbody cum n slap my face! *PIAK!!!*just slapped myself, i m all better now! bye later then, wif the next episode of anxiety attack.