Tomoro i will be leaving for my 2nd eurotrip. I m not that excited to leave yet, but this morning i realised that some things are different btwn the last trip n this one. I m much more peaceful n hv bcum frens wif sum ppl, these are the same ppl i wanted to leave behind n say “ADIOS!!!!” during the last trip. This time around things hv changed.
Sumhow to forgive or even to ask for forgiveness from sumone is quite hard, but once its done, u feel relieved.Last year i was so full of anger, this year i am like “Ehh, whatever…U happy, i happy.” Last year was all about “y me?” this year its more like “so what, i will get thru it”
I didnt like to be teased last time, i use to get very angry if anybody teased me repeatedly. I never told or showed it to them of course, alwiz kept it to myself or blew up to the wrong person. This year i realised that they tease me cos of my own sillyness, so its me who has to stop acting stupid. Yet i know ppl will still be teasing me, but ehh…whatever, i m not gonna fight back if i know i was the reason y they r teasing me.
I m a very inquisitive person. I like to ask many question, but of course i hv never asked teachers any question, dunno y though. But to ppl i know i ask many questions, “y ah, how ah, yes ah. then what ah”… Too many, that i guess i irritate sum ppl(probably every1). When ppl show me how irritated they r, it hurts, cos i never thought that askin a q cud make any1 angry, but looks like it does. So now, i TRY not to ask any questions to sum ppl whom i know r easily irritated.
I realised now that talking less, REALLY HELPS. I mean, i m not yelled at, i m not being talked about in front of me like this “I tell u ah, she ah, HAIYO!!!”. I get hurt when ppl say like that, cos to me all i wanted to do was to talk, so now in order not to hurt myself , i m trying to limit the talking.
I hv frens, i do. But now i m 24, i want to hv sum girlpals, whom 10 years from now would still stick wif me, sumthing like “Sex and the city”. SATC is very touching for me in the context of friendship, i hv only watched the movie, n loved it. I hv lost sum ppl whom i thought were my bestfren, sum1 who wud be wif me stick wif me. Now sumhow i hv given up hope in looking for one. i dun care anymore. In order to get such a fren i hv tried pleasing many ppl, but in the end i m not happy n i dun think i ever will find one. N anyways i m afraid of calling any1 my best fren, i dun wanna put my hopes up high just to get it thrown downhill to watch it break to pieces.
I am fussy, but i try to adapt to ppl. I dun believe i m perfect n neither do i believe in perfection. i am trying to be myself n trying to live my life the way i feel it is rite. I wanna be happy as many days as possible, cos life is short. I dun wanna be angry, i dun wanna be sad, i wanna live, i wanna love, i wanna care. being angry at sum1 only makes me feel horrible. sum1 wanna talk behind my back, oh go ahead, i really dun care.
Hopefully when i cum back from this trip, i m a better person.