I hv this problem, actually a lot of problems wif myself.
Let me explain this symptoms:
well, it starts off wif me being a maniac about my weight. A lot of girls are, but i guess my one is a bIt irritating for me itself. I mean i buy tight cloths in hopes that i will loose my tummy, but i dont. I eat well, i cant seem to reduce the amount i eat, n it gives me a bulging tummy, worth of 3 months pregnancy. And then u can see me going around babbling about how fat I am, n how much i hate my tummy. Moreover, everybody’s advice seems to be “DO SIT-UPS!!!” I hate sit ups, it hurts, and i can hardly bend myself. Well i can say that i hv not gone psycho cos of my weight, cos i know i am not anorexic or bulimic.BUT HELL ITS IRRITATING, N I CANT STOP MYSELF FROM BEING SO CONCIOUS ABOUT MY WEIGHT(TUMMY TO B PRECISE)
Next of, is my self-esteem. I hv this low self esteem. I dunno y. I know i study hard, i go for lectures(miss a couple la), i dun miss classes(except ruski). But still i feel that i am not good enough. I keep comparing myself with the wrong ppl, cos they r the most obvious ppl to my eyes. I compare myself wif ppl, who hardly take a book, came for a few lects, who do exams in a “special” way. I get so mad when i hear what they do, i feel like it is so unfair. Sumtimes i get so upset, i do cry. Giler, rite? Y do i hv to cry? But still i do, every sem. and at those times i get angry easily too. In my head, its like “I work so hard to get my results, and look at them. Senang-senang je!” So this problem is annoying too, cos i know i shud ignore but i cant. AAAAARRRRGGHH!!!!
When it cums to materialz, my dad is a gem. He gets me wat i want, coz i am his first n i am overseas for ten months. But i dun get it easily though. I hv to nag him 24/7 about how great is the thing i want to buy, how i will feel w/out it, how everyone has it but me, bla bla bla which is full of nonsense. I know in the end i wud get it, but still nagging my dad is fun 😛 . Anyways, my point is, i hv everything i want, but still when i see what others hv, i go like “(sigh)… i wish i had that”. Or even when it cum to styling myself, at home i will do research of wat cud look nice for me, n in fact go to the level of making it happen. But when i get here, i look at others, n go “Great, now that looks much better than wat i did with myself. Oh God y dun i hv the fashionable mind!” Well, now that i hv put it down in words, needless to say, i know that i hv to be happy with who i am, be grateful that i hv a functional body and hv a super-duper-wonderful dad, but still, i dont feel that way.
Another problem, is that i am a problem magnet. The problem is not usually related to me but i happen to get involve in that problem. How do i happen to get involved? Thats an easy question, the answer is, I CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT OTHER PPL! I mean i hv this “Aww, i feel so pity for this person. Y shud this person get stuck in this problem? She/he shud be saved. Alright, I will advise them not to do this-this-n-that!” And BANG!!! I am involved, n in the end my r/ship with that person goes hay-wire, and so is any other ppl related to that particular problem. Ppl call me nosy, but i thought i was caring and that i was gonna be a savior. How STUPID?!! And most of the time the problems shud seriously be none of my business, but i cant help myself sumtimes, i just feel that it is unfair to the (gonna be) affected party, that i actually go get involved in the problem. (sigh) Y cant i be ignorant?!
Another problem i hv, I CANT ACT! I cant pretend that i dun like sum1. If i dun like them, they will know i dun like them. Cos i hv this problem of avoiding them rite in front of their face. I mean its obvious even to me that i am obviously avoiding these ppl. I mean its like they will b in front of my face, n u can see me looking down on the ground pretending i lost sumthing on the floor. Gosh that sound so stupid. N there are another group of ppl whom i avoid too, ppl who fought wif me for no apparent reason, i mean at least not a good one. And thr r these group of ppl who just dun talk to me@ stop talking to me for no apparent reason as well. Sumtimes they give stupid reasons for not talking to me, but i listen to it anyway but it goes unprocessed thru my brain.
But, y is it that when these ppl dun talk tome, i rase sakit semacam. I mean its not like i am gonna die if they dun talk to me. But still i go back to my room n think n think n think y this person dun talk to me, wat cud i hv done to them. After sumtime though, once i am used to them not talking to me, in my head i wud think “Ouh go to hell!”
These are the list of my problems that i can think of now. It’s obvious i know what to do. But how to make myself do it? How to be happy with what i hv, how to ignore, how to not bother what other ppl do with their lives? TELL ME HOW! ; )