Sadness :(

This is a sad blog, so if u r not in for a dramatic overflow, don’t read it. And if u do read it anyhow, dont tell me how dramatic it was!

I hv been overseas for 3 years now, and each year I come back there is some1 new in my family. When I came back after my 1st year, i had an extra niece and a new sister-in-law. Then when i came back after 2nd year, I had an extra nephew and a new brother-in-law. This year too I hv a new niece and another new brother-in-law. All in all I have missed 3 weddings and 3 labours.

Thats something disturbing for me, cos i dont get to see these special occasions, I dont get to be with them, wish them, help them during these times. I can’t say that my life in Nizhniy is HELL and nothing is great for me there, but still family is family. For 20 years I saw the ups and downs in my family, I was there thru it all and now all I get is an sms or a call that says “Hey, ur sis just had a baby girl! She looks just like ur bro-in-law!” In my head I am like, “Ok how does my BIL look like? I hv onie met him once in my life!”   

At least these are the good news. I thank God for His blessings in my family, but when there is not a good news, I feel really down. I start thinking ” Did i tell this person I love them? Did I hurt them the last time i met them? Did I say anything to hurt them? I will get to see them again, rite?”  These questions take the life out of me.  I love each and every1 in my family, be it a new one or the old one. Each one holds a special place in my heart.

Here I am today, about to leave in three weeks time, but yet am not prepared to leave. I fear for one’s life. I fear that they might not remember me. I fear the pain of being a forgotten past. I dont want to be like that, I want my family to remember me, to remember who I am. I want them to watch me graduate, for who I am today its because of them. I am who I am today for my family, I want my family to stand tall and proud and for that i will fight. But i know,that even if I loose 1 of them, i would be down. I need them to live my life. I think in conclusion i hv to say, my family completes my life.

Sorry for making a very dramatic blog, but hey, its my blog rite ;P. Jus thought of sharing my sadness wif u guys.

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