It seems really easy to find wat we dun hv more than wat we do hv. For instance, i hv a ton of shoes in my room but still i constantly think of getting myself a knee high or just below knee boots. For my eyes i cud onie see these shoes whrever i go. *sigh* Same goes for ppl, i constantly think, if onie this person cud be like this or that, i wud be happier.

Y r ppl like that? is it cos we want perfection? Or is it that we r biologically made to b like that, like u know thats how we r? i mean, we wanted the best meat in the jungle wen wr running around wif jus loin cloths on us, Get my point? Well i hope so. haih, i wonder wen will we stop looking, or rather wen will i stop lookin at just wats wrong, or wats missing than wats rite n wats there.

*yawn* toodles.good nite

Here i am in my room with an hour to go for my class, reading sum stuff while my facebook was on. N when i looked up i saw pics of one of my schoolmates getting engaged. And it hits me like WHAM!!! “WTH(this is puttin it litely) am i doing wif  my life?”  In the beginning it was all about being overseas n gettin to do wat i hv alwiz wanted, then my eurotrips gave me sum amount of happiness, that i m doing sumthing not everyone can.

Here i m in my room, studying, still single, in Russia, with another year and  half to grad, then another year to do housemanship like a dog n then need to study again to specialise. OMG!!! There goes a decade of my life just like that, the precious decade of my life whr my organs r still functioning well n my stamina is at its peak! N wat am i doing wif it? Studying? how can i do wateva is it that i wanted to do in my 30’s ? if i enjoy at that time, when am i gonna hv kids? what the hell is happening? my life is freakin’ boring, so boring!!!

i wanna ride bike to work, i wanna drive a car in a race track, i wanna be able to party, i wanna dress to kill, i wanna fall madly in love, i wanna date in an expensive restaurant just for fun, i wanna kiss in the rain, i wanna go to on top of a hill n scream my lungs out, i wanna ride my bike all around town, i wanna travel wif my bike, i wanna go crazy, I WAN TO DO A HECK OF A LOT OF THINGS, BUT DAMMIT I M STUCK IN FREAKIN’ RUSSIA!!!!!

*sigh* I think i just hit my midlife crisis point, hey call me dramatic, but i feel like shit rite now! i m really happy for my fren. i wont say i will do anything to be in her shoes but there is sum part of me that wonders wat wud hv happened if i had just stayed back in Msia n did sumthing else.

i know for sure i wouldnt hv seen the world the way i see it now. I wudnt hv seen eiffel, which is still very close to my heart. Everytime i think that my life sucks, i remember that moment when i looked at the Eiffel tower at nite n say to myself “that was a priceless moment that i wud hv never had if i was in Msia”

Oh i need to get a grip, so wat if i am turning a quarter a century, hey its the silver jubilee of my life, it aint cumin back twice!!! HAHAHA, SILVER JUBILEE!!! CAN U FREAKIN’ BELIEVE IT, A QUARTER A CENTURY?!

OK, i am diagnosing myself wif anxiety attack, sumbody cum n slap my face! *PIAK!!!*just slapped myself, i m all better now! bye later then, wif the next episode of anxiety attack.

well, well, *fooo*, blogs really dusty. hv not been here in quite a while.

So since 2009 is cumin to an end, there is a few things i wud like to say.

1. what hv i learnt?

-no more dieting, cos it aint working for more

-i hv to accept who i amn especially how i am

-its ok to be angry, it aint the worst crime on earth

-save up money where u can

-i cant hv everything at once

-i hv to let go wen its time

2. whats my happiest moments?

-seeing amma, appa , the BIG baby at home in summer

-to hear my little Sangeetha call me Chitti n hug me(one time[d last week sumore] in 2.5 months i was back home)

-wen i bought a handbag n presented it to myself on my birthday in Belgium(so sad rite)

-wen i entered little chocolate heaven in Belgium, i didnt even wan to leave

-wen Yeowie sold me his Tefal pot for 500rub, i was so happy, i alwiz wanted a tefal pot.

3. Whats the saddest moments?

-to hear that both my uncles dogs died. They use to welcome me really well wen i gt home every year.

-wen i realised that “in my early 20’s” is about to end

-wen it hit me that i m going to be quarter a century years old in 2010

4. What do i hv to say?

In 2009, onie one thing bugged me the most. I shall describe it now(itz not gonna be that long!). see, wen i was growin up, my mum knew that the onie to make me do the work, is if she yells, n boy, she YELLED. My dad on the other hand, had a different approach, his way was more, lets say, can stab u thru ur heart, but he made his point well. As i came to Russia, away from all the yelling, i tried myself not to yell. In fact i like to show a happy face 24/7 if i can, but it seems that i hv a very serious face, i cant help it. Anyways, when i came here, sumthing irked me off more than yelling, ppl brushing or telling ppl off. Thr r a few ppl who do it very well. N they best part of it is that they r in denial of it. I wont say that i m perfect, i m not. i hv hurt ppl in my own way, but i learn from m mistakes, thats y i tell ppl “tell me, if i made u angry, i will say sorry n change”

My patience level is quite high, actually very high, i can tahan pplz attitude for years n put a smile on my face, but dang, if u push me too far, u dunno wat u r gonna make me do. Dun worry, the worst i will do is keep quiet, remember, i dun like yelling, hahaha. Anyways, i really do hope that sum ppl will change. not for me, for their own good. 

And for 2010, i dun hv resolutions, cos i dun believe in them. i just hope it will be a better year than 2009. its not that 2009 was bad, it was good, but i think life can do better.

chiaoz.

I m very much a morning person. I sumtimes dun understand y ppl can be hving very bad mood every morning, just cos its morning. Its seems really silly. I sumtimes hv bad mornings too, just like today, i was not feeling too well to get up at 5.30 in the morning, n so i msged every1 in the block n told them “x well, wud like d bafrum at 7. thanks, sori.” Sumhow i think the servers in Megafon didnt work cos i didnt bath in my bafrum at all today cos it was filled till 8, i had to bath in sum1 else’s bafrum. Its realli my fault, it dun matter whether u r sick or not, u shud keep at ur time, cos ur disability is none of anyone else’s bzness. Thats wat i learnt today. Everyday is a learning day.

I dun deny being pissed, i was, but i know its my fault. Sumtimes, just sumtimes, u wish u had been cut sum slack. But i guess thats too much to wish for. My Appa alwiz says, “what u r going thru now, is nothing big. Its just part of a learning process, to become a better person”. I know he is rite.

On a lighter note, tomoro is the BIG DIWALI occasion, for which i was “forced” to join in. I didnt want to join in this year too, but circumstances changed n i hv to help my really wonderful frens out , cos sumhow they became responsible. Its a funny story, but too bad it actually happened, so no point crying over spilt milk ei!

thats all for now, muakx to the very few ppl who actually bother to read my blog, now am i inviting u or dis-inviting u, i m confused my self.

Be it indian, cantonese, malay, hindi, english, be it wateva language, drama series are addictive! for me n for u, yeah u, dun actla k! the romance, the thrill, the humor, oh wat fun!!! I like series too, even anime(ONE PIECE!!!). Currently i love House, CSI, One piece n thats about it for now.  I love House in House, i love every1 in CSI n I love Luffy in One piece. The growing up to each other process, the complications, the hypocrasy, u name it,i love it!!!

But wat i m sure almost all of us realise is that, our life is part of a series too. The baby season, the kindergarden season, the reaching adolescence season, the “nobody-understands-me” season & etc. Honestly, if i made a series of myself, sure tak laris wan, takde drama langsung, gosh i was boring.

Well, in every season of the series there would be one big crisis. That would the most sought after part of the whole season. How the crises is solved and wat we learnt from it is very important, n thats wat keeps us addicted to the series. y am i talking about this, wats the whole point of this blog, I TAK TAU!!! SAJE JE, RASE MACAM NAK BLOG, I BLOG LA, MASE AKU YG DIBAZIR KAN!!! HEHEHE!!!

actually, i nak cakap yg everything pun ade endingnyer. baik buruk, baik jahat, kite kene teruskan hidup. U gotta live ur life, so move on. Kalo nak dread in the past, sape sakit hati, kiteeeee jugak, kalo mengamuk giler giler, sape sakit mulut, kiteeee jugak. So, tak yah la nak emo sangat dalam hidup ni. Emo tu bagus, tapi ape2 pun kalo terlebih memang tak bagus kan. “Looks who is talking, the DRAMA QUEEN!!!”  u say eh? Hey like i said hidup ni macam series kan, kalo takde drama tak jalan la oi!

this is not related at all wif wat i m going to say, but i just wanna say that in my life i hv realised that confrontation works much better than back stabbing.

ouh by the way, i hv diagnosed myself wif “obsessive-compulsive disorder” over my bed. now that i hv warned u, dun terkejut biler i jump at u nanti.

Thats all, i know i was boring n half way thru u went like “whr is she going wif this?” i was bored n i had nothing to do la, sorry k! muaks, SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAyang u all!!!

a few quotes that i liked during this month;

“u’re unhappy wif the riches, cos ur piss poor morally”- Live ur life song

“i will stop being a bitch, wen men like u stop behaving like dogs”- Kareena Kapoor, Kambakht Ishq

“step by step, drink tea n coffee n decide, its easy”-Prof.Parshikov, peads surgery

“n the 7th thing i hate the most that u do, u make me love u”- Miley cyrus, 7 things

Toodles.

29/01/2009

In madrid

Reaching Madrid was not so tiring. I dun remember how we got to the hostel but i remember that the location of the hostel was absolutely wonderful. Sadly the hostel was not. According to TKM the hostel has won the best hostel awards before, but it was unbelievable.

the view outside of Mucho Madrid

The name of the hostel was Mucho madrid. THat day all we did was walk n walk n walk around Madrid.

the view inside Mucho Madrid

Here i bought a birthday prezzie for myself. We all ate Kebab that day. Nothing much after that really.

Outside Madrid stadium

 Oh yeah i went to the stadium. Couldn’t get into the stadium, so kat luar pun jadi le!

30/01/2009

can u stop taking my pics 7t, i know u r bored! We r in a bus for Heaven's sake!!!

We took breakfast and had slow walk to the Bus stop. We couldn’t get an earlier ticket to Barcelona, we onie got the 2pm one. The bus ride was for 8 hours. THe bus was quite ok, me, nava, n 7t got the back seat. 7t sat next to an american woman who has learning linguistics. She helped us translate a lot of important things that was said by the bus driver. We reached Barcelona like around 9 or 10 zt nite. Our hostel was located in the safest place. the raods were dark, the ppl there were really weird, so we had to really extra careful. The 3 girls(MSN) got the corner room which had a very big window and since it was raining the room was freakin’ cold and the matresses felt really damp. This hostel was even worse than Mucho Madrid. To top things off, 7ts’ bed broke and for the whole time we were in Barcel she slept on the broken bed.

31/01/2009 

the Bone castle

Like any other day we took our breakfast and headed off. We went to this place whr there was suppose to be this free tour. At the end 30 minutes of waiting, we realised there was no such thing. So we went wandering around n on the way TKM saw a great deal for a camera, u know those proffessional camera that almost EVERYBODY  is carrying now. The deal was 165 euros. It was quite nice n he really fancied it. We were heading for this castle which was made out of bones  n to go there we had to pass this street  called La Rambla. Its one really long street with so many stuff to buy, they even sell u REPTILES ok!!! We went on walking till we reached that Bone castle. Cun, serius cun i tell u! I was really amazed at the artist cos he had sum guts to build sumthing like this, he really showed that he believed in himself n his work n not wat others wud think about it. The artists’ name is Gaudi i think, waitla later i put one pic of him ok.

the place where the dropping-camera incident took place

Then we went on to Gaudi’s most famous creation the Sagrada Familia. BUT, there is one big but here, like i said but, on the way there TKM accidentally dropped Nava’s camera n it instantly became dysfunctional. Oh yeah i can hear sum big time gasps here. To all of u, this is the second time i ever saw TKM in a bad mood during our trip. Last year it was me who made him mad, n this year it was his own slippery hands. We decided to cum back to Sagrada the next day n we split into 2 groups; 1 group me n 7t, the rest  in another.

TKM pujuking Nava after the camera incident

 Me n 7t went shopping for souvenier whras the other 3 went camera hunting. We all met back in the hostel, n TKM told a sad story tat he didnt buy the camera he wanted cos he spent all his money on Nava’s camera. For a moment there i really kesiankan him. He really look so kesian n to make the story even more believable Sharis’ n Navas’ face were also sad.

All the hype cos of his new professional camera

Mana tau, in the end abang beli jugak what he wanted. He has to pay in installments to Shari Ann lo. Thats how the whole “jual bontot” story came up. Hehe, can u imagin TKM jual bontot, hahahaha. Anyways, that nite we all went for makan in a nearby restaurant. The restaurant owner was speaking in Hindi but the way he was speaking it sounded like Singalese(like how the Sri Lankans speak).

eleh! I will buy a better one la TKM, u just wait!

So in the shop me n 7t were arguing the whole time, whether he was an Indian or a Sri Lankan. Guess wat, both of us were wrong, he was a Pakistani. He was a nice man, he advised us to be very careful in Spain wif our passports.  Then we all went to bed lo.

sorry guys not much pics i m too tired to wait for it to upload. i will put it in part 2.

28/01/2009

In Sintra

told u the weather was bad

Today was not a good day. It started off from buying the wrong pass. Well the system here is that for all land services u hv one pass but for underground like metro its different one. We totally forgot about it and bought the metro one, but actually we wanted to travel by train to a place called Sintra. We burnt 5 euros wif that la. Then goin to the place called Sintra was ok. It was probably an hour by train. Upon reaching Sintra we were dissapointed cos first of all the weather wasn’t favorable n then to enter one castle was damn expensive. So we were just outside onie la. Then TKM wanted to go into these two castle, which really was expensive. So we were standing outside the counter in the rain deciding whether or not to go inside the castle n that was wen i made the biggest mistake. I told TKM this to help him make his decision quick cos he was so indecisive, i said “money u can earn la, experince like this wont cum to u everyday”. Then starting from that day all of them ejek me n call me “miss Quote of the day”!!! HUHU:( .

D vr dissapointed TKM n d vr irritated 7t in Sintra waiting for the bus

 Then when finally TKM made his decision to go we were given the biggest sad news ever, u need a car if u wan to go the castle, if not cannot go. By the way, to go from one castle to another in Sintra is by a bus that was provided every 15 minutes, but to go the castle itself u need a car they said. So we miised like 3 different buses while waiting for TKM to make that decision. After that we went back to Lisbon n were all tired, drained n dissapointed. TKM told us, if we were interested we could go to Belem to makan Portugal custard tart. Well, at least going to Belem was successful.

The original Custard tart shop

Wen we reached Belem we were finding for this specific shop, which acc to TKM had the original tart, but to our surprise thr wr many shops which used a similar name n we wr really confused, but we found the rite shop anyway. Moreover, we found sum penangites in the shop thanks to TKMs’ sharp ears in detecting Penang Hokkien. The custard was great. after a short walk in Belem we went back to the hostel.

outside of Vasco da Gama

 Upon reaching the hostel all 5 of us sat down n discussed on wat to do wif our metro passes. 7t managed to sell her pass to the girl at the reception, but the rest of us couldnt, so we decided to go n visit the Biggest aquarium in the world. We went without 7t, n sadly the aquarium was closed, SIGH!!!! To waste our time we went to the nearby mall named VASCO DA GAMA. It was a big one. We had dinner there then went back to the hostel. 7t was oredi snoozing like a baby. So we all took shower n gi tdo as well.

here are as usual sum pics

oi 7t! dun snap pics when org tengah makan le!

In Belem.

Co-mel-nyer!!!

This is one of the famous paintings on tiles

Good night, i m not feeling well!

inside the tram

26/01/2009

We left Baxpax this morning. It was a tiring journey to Lisbon. Like i said i feel nauseated in flights, and todays sandwich was awarded to 7t.

Lisbon Airport

To tell u the truth Lisbon Airport looked very much like KLIA. I wonder who stole whose design ah? Well, that doesn’t bother me. Anyways we left from the airport to the town centre by Aerobus. The thing i love about Europe is the transportation system is so damn reliable, unlike well, u know which place on earth i m living now la.

i was suppose to open my eyes wen they said "THREE!"

Our hostels’ name was Living Lounge Hostel, n i tell u its so CEKAP BABE!!! TKM i really wanna thank u for ur smart decision in choosing this wonderful hostel la, u clearly were cekap for this time. We got a room called “Question”, i was thankful we didnt get the room named “Crime Scene”.  That evening as usual since we dun like to just sit inside our rooms n do nothing we went out for a stroll(like so predictable kan!)It was really tiring as we went around and around the same road about 3 times cos we didnt know to which side the bus would be going.

The so called portugal soup a.k.a malaysian dhal

Then, we went to this restaurant that was recommended by the hostel. It was like uphill so we had a very exhausting walk up. Again the food was expensive.   I ate a kebeb like thingy which had veal meat and pork. The veal was like so kenyal, i started feeling so muak by the time i reached half the stick. The best part was 7t ate this soup that tasted like Dhal. So we all got so excited we started dipping bread into the soup and all makan sama sama. Then we balik, we wr too tired to talk oso. We just mandi then terus tdo.

27/01/2009

We were going for a free walking tour around Lisbon(seriusly wif all this walking u wud think i wud hv lost sum weight, but i guess i hv sum very stubborn fat stuck on my body). The tour was guided by the Hostels chef. He was a really nice man. He was one of the founders of the hostel. Oh SHIT, i forgot his

the chef-cum-tour-guide

name. Never mindla. Anyways at first he brought to the very first hostel that belonged to Living lounge. That was also nice. He brought us from castle to castle. We had tram rides, n i tell u the tram rides are damn scary cos the jalan is like so sempit n onie one vehicle can pass at one time. Oh yeah btw the jalan there is not made of tar, is made of tiles or sumthing that looks like tiles la, i dunno what. But i know the surface was shiny and i was freakin’ scared to walk when it rained.

the local artist who drew on tiles, she was the-so-damn cekap

 During the trip we met a local artist who drew on tiles. Then the chef bought for us each sum sweet bun which a local favorite. I took one bite, decided it was too sweet for me n as usual gave it to my wonderful walking talking eating machine cum good fren, 7t. She enjoyed sweet food so give her la, instead of wasting it. We went to another restaurant for lunch. This restaurant belonged to the chef’s old time fren so we wr told that we will get a good price to makan the local dishes. During the lunch we talked about studying in Russia, the weather there and so on.I forgot to mention that we had two australian girls who had been travelling across europe for 2 FREAKIN’ MONTHS!!!! Anyways, I will never forget the expression on the chefs’ face when he asked us “WHAT DID U ALL DO TO UR PARENTS? Y R THEY PUNISHING U LIKE THIS?” By punishing what he meant was sending us to Russia. Sigh! After lunch we went to a wine shop to buy sum wine. I bought the sweetest wine that was there for my Appa’s frenz. Well if they dun like it i m gonna take it back to Russia or i am gonna ask  Appa to keep it for me until i cum back.  That nite we separated into 2 groups again, the usual 2 grps la n u can guess y oso kan. But before that all of us went souvenier shopping together. Our usual habit is to comment about prices and the variety of gifts in Malay. We were really shocked when one of the shop owners spoke to us in Malay. He was a Bangladeshi who has stayed n worked in Brickfields. We felt so malu cos i remember saying “Mahal sangat la, n the corak pun macam tak best je, jom kite pergi kedai lain la!”The funny thing is all of us ended up buying souveniers from his shop, he gave us good price anyways.

Here are sum pics

i just love this pic!!!

near the 1st restaurant

nice view ha?

nice view here too

In Domodedovo

24 January 2009

Trip started at 5 a.m. Train ride was as usual ok, i slept like i was dead. We went to Domodedovo airport via metro and van. The van fres are rather cheap, 100rub. The airport has been renovated very well, its very much bigger. The best part of leaving Moscow was there was no problem like last year(THANK GOD!!!) In the plane, i cudn’t eat the cold sandwich. I hv no idea y, i just felt nauseated(mengadekan, dahla org bagi makan je la!) Therefore my sandwich went to Teoh Kok Meng. We reached Tegal airport, Berlin and i tried to withdraw. Tapi tak boleh . I was so sad. I borrowed money from Sevvanthee.

That nite we ate for the very first time, CURRYWURST!

The very famous CURRYWURST

 It was tepi jalan  stall punya, n damn it was tasty. It was the best 1.80euro i spent. 

in our hostel, Baxpax

By the way our hostel was really cekap. We loved it.

25 January 2009

We had a nice walk this morning.All the way from our hostel to the Branderburg gate. We took pics and me, 7t n nava were spotting for the souvenier shops along the way. We went into one of the big shops n i found a very nice bag for Yasshni. I know she she is going to love it. I wasnt planning on getting any souveniers from Berlin cos i was here last year, but this bag is a MUST!!!

The fast breakfast

Today actually we will be splitting into 2 groups, Me, 7t n Nava one group then shari n kok meng the other. This is cos Shari has not been to Berlin yet  n TKM is the loyal n faithful bf. WE girls on the other hand, were going to Sacchasenhausen trip. It was a former concentration camp. After having breakfast together we headed our separate ways.

The trip cost us 20 euros.The concentration camp for me was a important experience. We find out about how ppl hv suffered in the hands of their own countrymen. I did not cry but i felt really sad. Its horrifying even to hv to listen to what was done to the prisoners, imagine living thru it everyday till ur last breath.

I will write about it in another entry cos there are so many pics and stories to tell u. Before the trip, the tour guide asked us to buy for ourselves sum lunch but we didnt want anything cos we just had a good breakfast.

the entrance to the Sacchasanhausen camp.

But as we exited the building i found my most frequently visited place in the whole wide world, McD. Nava said “Oh no, Maal dun go ok. we jus had b’fast. I know u love that place but dun go, ok, it will be hard to get u out” She was rite, i cant resist burgers, look at my size rite.

Anyways aftert the trip, we went back to the Gate. From there we went back to our hostel and at the same time revisited the bag shops. I bought for my sister that MUST HAVE bag, n 7t n Nava were on a shopping spree to buy themselves bags too. So i followed. Well these girls really can shop, thats one thing for sure. I can too when i want. Hehe pandai2x mengatakan orang sendiri pun satu.

After shopping we went back to the hostel. On the way there wr many Indian restaurant. A waiter from one of the restaurant said to us loudly “Desi ka khana, pardesi me khaiye(i hope my hindi is rite but i know he meant eat ur local food in a foreign country)” .

outside one of the Indian restaurants

I just laughed but didnt answer him, i was just too lazy n not bothered. I wanted to tell him I m not ur “desi log” in hindi, but not nice oso kan. Cos at the end of the day i m not just Malaysian, i am still described as Malaysian Indian by my own ppl.

That nite all of us went out for dinner. I cried in silence wen i saw the price of the meals in the restaurant. Well the best way to forget ur sadness is by gossiping. Hehe we shared sumgreat gossips that day. Well its not everyday that u hv an expensive dinner filled with luscious gossips in Berlin with 5 of ur good frenz!

here are sum pics!

Our Dinner in Berlin

the tireless effort to buy the rite bag by Nava

on the way to Branderburg gate by Metro from Sacchasanhaussen

outside Russian embassy in Berlin

Yesterday was the first day of my practicals in Selayang. I met the Senior consultant, her name was Dr.Haliza and my first impression of her was “DAMN SHE IS SUCH A &*^$*!!!!

But at the end of the day, ii was made to go for this thing called “pre-op” and at that time i realised that that woman was really a woman with a lot of substance. U cant mess with her. She knew her facts n she made sure that her underlings knew them well too. She asked a lot of questions and man, was i feeling the heat altho i was not the one on the hot seat. Her questions were very basic, like “y do u think its this n not that? Y did u decide on this? What made u opt for that?”

These were questions that the MO’s or consultants shud answer right away,but it was not so. Sum didn’t know y they decided to put a diagnosis n when the HOD asked “Dr.X, tell me all the signs of uterine rupture?”. I gasped, it was a 4th year question n the HO didnt answer. I was like, shit i better know my details, or i am gonna be so screwed!

Today i joined a seminar for Breast feeding. I think its obvious that ppl dun take this thing seriusly. Ppl think its sumthing boring n non important. Even in Russia during peads i tot the same. I regret that now. We saw clips of how bottle feeding is dangerous during Emergency situations(tsunami, war etc.). The pic which really took my back was the pic of a feeding bottle n teat which had sum amount of maggots. Sum amount but still, MAGGOTS!!! can u imagine?

I think its important that the govrnment pushes this issue as very important ones. We hv so many great medical facilities but there is no point to it if the morbidity n mortality level in babies is high.

Yawn!!! i m tired! Bye good night!