I hv alwiz wanted to be a doctor, n so did my parents. It was not installed in me neither was I forced. Ppl ask me why I wanted to be a doctor, I said its my passion. They asked me what do u mean by your passion. I said i wanted to help someone spend as much time wif his/her family by keeping him/her healthy. I wanted to help my patient to prevent as much disaster to himself/herself as much as I could probably prevent.  That’s me n my dream, its becoming more of a reality day by day.

Hence, why did I say “a waste of a dream” ? I pity those who weren’t as lucky as me. Those who hv had different dreams but were forced to be in a different reality. Some of them, I could say put this upon themsleves. They may have had big dreams but did not work for it. They lost their way and therefore lost their dreams. About these ppl, i hv to say that sum do make the best of wat they hv gotten. The best example is my cuzin, he studied something in computing, but ended up as a medical equipment salesman. Is he sad? Why would he be when his jobs requires him to travel the world, at the moment, he is in Hong Kong, SPONSORED BY THE COMPANY!!!! I am so jealous!

Moving on, there are others who hv worked hard, planned every step of their way towards achieving their dreams, but BA-DA-BOOM!!! Plan hangs halfway or worse, terminated. The reason maybe finacial, medical, psychological, or whatever.These ppl r the most pitiful ones, I mean u nourish ur dream, u take care of it everyway u can, but then sumthing happens that u hv to let go of ur plan, u hv to let go of ur dream. Hv i seen it happen? No, but i hv  heard about it…A LOT.

There is this one situation though that i can’t quite digest. Mind you, this is a real situation. This person really wanted to be in medicine and the person’s father could afford to send to India. D person went, has been there for over 4 years now, but the funny thing is, d person is still in 1st year. I mean u r getting wat u want, and ur parent also is spending the money just cos it is their childs dream. Dun tell me the person cant make it thru first year. If u r not capable why waste ur time there and why waste another persons dream. Why waste the space? Sum1 else cud hv taken ur place every of the year u hv been repeating, and that person cud hv achieved their dreams.

What do u think?

I hv this problem, actually a lot of problems wif myself.

Let me explain this symptoms:

well, it starts off wif me being a maniac about my weight. A lot of girls are, but i guess my one is a bIt irritating for me itself. I mean i buy tight cloths in hopes that i will loose my tummy, but i dont. I eat well, i cant seem to reduce the amount i eat, n it gives me a bulging tummy, worth of 3 months pregnancy. And then u can see me going around babbling about how fat I am, n how much i hate my tummy. Moreover, everybody’s advice seems to be “DO SIT-UPS!!!” I hate sit ups, it hurts, and i can hardly bend myself. Well i can say that i hv not gone psycho cos of my weight, cos i know i am not anorexic or bulimic.BUT HELL ITS IRRITATING, N I CANT STOP MYSELF FROM BEING SO CONCIOUS ABOUT MY WEIGHT(TUMMY TO B PRECISE)

Next of, is my self-esteem. I hv this low self esteem. I dunno y. I know i study hard, i go for lectures(miss a couple la), i dun miss classes(except ruski). But still i feel that i am not good enough. I keep comparing myself with the wrong ppl, cos they r the most obvious ppl to my eyes. I compare myself wif ppl, who hardly take a book, came for a few lects, who do exams in a “special” way. I get so mad when i hear what they do, i feel like it is so unfair. Sumtimes i get so upset, i do cry. Giler, rite? Y do i hv to cry? But still i do, every sem. and at those times i get angry easily too. In my head, its like “I work so hard to get my results, and look at them. Senang-senang je!” So this problem is annoying too, cos i know i shud ignore but i cant. AAAAARRRRGGHH!!!!

When it cums to materialz, my dad is a gem. He gets me wat i want, coz i am his first n i am overseas for ten months. But i dun get it easily though. I hv to nag him 24/7 about how great is the thing i want to buy, how i will feel w/out it, how everyone has it but me, bla bla bla which is full of nonsense. I know in the end i wud get it, but still nagging my dad is fun  . Anyways, my point is, i hv everything i want, but still when i see what others hv, i go like “(sigh)… i wish i had that”. Or even when it cum to styling myself, at home i will do research of wat cud look nice for me, n in fact go to the level of making it happen. But when i get here, i look at others, n go “Great, now that looks much better than wat i did with myself. Oh God y dun i hv the fashionable mind!” Well, now that i hv put it down in words, needless to say, i know that i hv to be happy with who i am, be grateful that i hv a functional body and hv a super-duper-wonderful dad, but still, i dont feel that way.

Another problem, is that i am a problem magnet. The problem is not usually related to me but i happen to get involve in that problem. How do i happen to get involved? Thats an easy question, the answer is, I CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT OTHER PPL! I mean i hv this “Aww, i feel so pity for this person. Y shud this person get stuck in this problem? She/he shud be saved. Alright, I will advise them not to do this-this-n-that!” And BANG!!! I am involved, n in the end my r/ship with that person goes hay-wire, and so is any other ppl related to that particular problem. Ppl call me nosy, but i thought i was caring and that i was gonna be a savior. How STUPID?!! And most of the time the problems shud seriously be none of my business, but i cant help myself sumtimes, i just feel that it is unfair to the (gonna be) affected party, that i actually go get involved in the problem. (sigh) Y cant i be ignorant?!

Another problem i hv, I CANT ACT! I cant pretend that i dun like sum1. If i dun like them, they will know i dun like them. Cos i hv this problem of avoiding them rite in front of their face. I mean its obvious even to me that i am obviously avoiding these ppl. I mean its like they will b in front of my face, n u can see me looking down on the ground pretending i lost sumthing on the floor. Gosh that sound so stupid. N there are another group of ppl whom i avoid too, ppl who fought wif me for no apparent reason, i mean at least not a good one. And thr r these group of ppl who just dun talk to me@ stop talking to me for no apparent reason as well. Sumtimes they give stupid reasons for not talking to me, but i listen to it anyway but it goes unprocessed thru my brain.

But, y is it that when these ppl dun talk tome, i rase sakit semacam. I mean its not like i am gonna die if they dun talk to me. But still i go back to my room n think n think n think y this person dun talk to me, wat cud i hv done to them. After sumtime though, once i am used to them not talking to me, in my head i wud think “Ouh go to hell!” 

These are the list of my problems that i can think of now. It’s obvious i know what to do. But how to make myself do it? How to be happy with what i hv, how to ignore, how to not bother what other ppl do with their lives? TELL ME HOW!  ; )

Finally my internet is working…I hv to say thank u to my dear friend Kiran, he said why not try this thingy, and there in a flash it all started to work. I was absolutely psyched, for a month I felt handicapped without internet, and now i can use it. At this moment i would like to say sorry to Syahir, my dear groupmate-cum-internet guy, i was badgerring him for almost a month about my internet, feel so bad now, but anyways I HAD TO!!!

I actually hv a lot of ideas of wat to write but I go on a loss for words when I start typing, guess I am more of a talking person. (Sigh) A lot a lot of thing happen in Nizhniy, first n foremost our washing machine decided to give up, it doesnt wanna spin.

Then our washing room is a mini swimming pool of dirt. We dont know the source of water yet, but today sum of our wonderful-kind-charming-nice-comel-n -all-the-good-stuff boys cleaned up the washing room. , Thank u, TKM, Neville, Yeow, Daniel, Sathia, Suvin, Jonas, Kesh, Kiran, Tiraj and…am I forgetting sum1…i hope not. 

Other thatn that classes hv been so far the damn serious topics. But now i am having paediatrics, I SO WANNA BE A PAEDIATRICIAN!!! I LOVE BABIES!

Shit, its 0805, i hv to go class. will try to cakap more later!